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"Does everyone´s spoon bend?" Clarissa
asked.
"Most everyone´s, and that percentage increases
when I use the suggestion given me by my friend Dr. Freda Morris, a former
professor of Psychology at UCLA. Which was, to put young children in with
the group as a wonderful catalyst to making it all happen. You see, young
children´s spoons always bend quickly and easily."
"They do?" Clarissa asked with interest. "How?"
"We suspect it is because they believe, without
any doubt, that it will happen. We tell them if they look at the spoon
and imagine it bending, their spoons will grow very soft, very fast, and
bend easily with just the slightest touch. Almost as soon as we are done
telling them, they start, and - just like that - it happens. That, in
turn, makes believers out of some of the adults and THEIR spoons begin
to bend. Pretty soon, the whole class has spoons made out of putty and
they are laughing and joking as they bend the metal every which way, some
even tying them in knots."
"You´re kidding!"
"I assure you, I am not. Of particular interest
are the staunch left-brained adults." Doctor Harmon cleared his throat
and looked under his bushy brows at Clarissa, who laughed again. "They
desperately try to rationalize how they are accomplishing the ´inexplicable´.
Sometimes to the point of denying what they are doing even as they are
doing it! One of my favorite stories is the engineer who observed with
a real note of desperation in his voice, ´Well, yes, it SEEMS to
be this spoon gets much softer when I keep saying bend, bend, bend.´
"Meanwhile, another student, - a lovely,
elderly lady from Arkansas - kept exclaiming, ´Why land a goshin´,
this ole spoon just feels like taffy!´
"The engineer became quite upset, insisting, ´This
is not happening. Metal does NOT soften like this just by holding it and
thinking it will bend.´
"Afterwards, the engineer brought me his bent spoon
and insisted I come to his plant later that week - which I did. When I
arrived, he handed me a piece of tempered steel that he said was known
to be absolutely impossible to bend by human hands. Maybe that was true,
but by focusing my MIND on bending it, I was able - with my hands - to
bend it easily."
"Really?" Clarissa, leaned forward. "What
do you think happened? I mean, seriously, how did you do it?"
"The same as with the spoons, Clarissa. I focused
my mind on the metal softening in my hands. Then, when it softened, I
bent it easily. What happens exactly is not really known. Not yet anyway."
"Well, what do you think is happening?"
"I thought you weren´t interested in spoonbending,"
Dr. Harmon teased.
"I am now," Clarissa answered firmly. "If
the mind can protect the body from burning on 1500 to 1700 degree coals
and bend steel - like you say it can - then what else can the mind do
that we don´t know about or understand?"
Dr. Harmon beamed at her. "Exactly. Very good,
Clairissa. I do know this, the engineer and I examined the steel I´d
bent using the power of my mind. There was no stretching on one side and
pressuring, or compacting, on the other side, as would be expected when
a piece of metal is bent with physical or mechanical power. Also, when
metal bent with the mind is examined under a micron microscope, we see
that the random locking of the molecular structure has become more linear.
Meaning, the molecules are now in little rows that allows the metal to
bend without the breaking or pressuring seen in metal bent by muscular
or mechanical strength. So one possible explanation is that our minds
realign the molecular structure of the metal."
"Wow. So," Clarissa summed up. "The purpose
of classes like fire-walking and spoon bending is to demonstrate the power
of one´s mind."
"Yes. Then we teach how to avail oneself of that
power in order to effect changes."
"You mean like healing," Clarissa commented,
as she mused over what he had just said.
"Healing, as well as other changes; like the improvement
you are seeking in your marital relationship."
Clarissa´s face flushed as she remarked, "I
love my husband, I just don´t like sex."
"I understand that," Dr. Harmon assured her
and gently added, "I also understand you wouldn´t be here today
if you didn´t want to change that."
"Well," Clarissa flushed even more deeply,
"he deserves a wife who enjoys his attentions. He likes sex. A lot,"
she added with an anger in her voice that did not escape Dr. Harmon´s
notice.
"How would you evaluate your husband´s sexual
skills?" Dr. Harmon asked. The matter-of-fact and comforting tone
of his voice visibly relaxed Clarissa, and the blush had left her cheeks.
"Excellent. He is not my first lover, so I know."
""And you? Have you been checked medically
to see if you have a hooded clitoris or some other condition that might
be negatively affecting your sexual pleasure?" Dr. Harmon asked.
The question, though intimate, was presented in such
a clinical and detached manner, that Clarissa answered easily. "Yes,
I´ve had a thorough check-up. My doctor is the one who recommended
you," she added.
"Good. I noted that you put that on your intake
form. How would you assess your relationship with your husband, Clarissa?
Forgetting about the sexual relations."
"If only we could, forget the sexual relations,"
Clarissa mumbled glumly, "then it would be great."
"Yet, you deserve a pleasurable sex life, Clarissa,"
Dr. Harmon gently reminded her. "So maybe we need to find out what´s
blocking you from doing that, and change it, hmmmm?"
"I´d like to." Clarissa´s eyes
were misty. "But how?"
"I don´t how. You´ll have to tell me."
"If I knew THAT, I wouldn´t be here."
Clarissa´s eyes had shifted quickly from misty to steely.
"You may not know consciously, Clarissa, but some
part of your mind does know."
"You mean my subconscious mind?" Clarissa asked.
"I see you know something about the mind. What
do you know about the subconscious?" Dr. Harmon questioned her.
"I know the subconscious mind is the emotional
mind. I´ve read it holds the memories, controls the body, and directs
the processes of the body and the brain."
"My, Clarissa. You are much better informed than
most of my first-time clients. I´m impressed."
"Well, I´ve been working on this, uh, sexual
problem, for some time. And, I think I know what´s wrong." Now
Clarissa was staring at Dr. Harmon with a fixed gaze. He waited, without
speaking, for her to continue. A few moments passed. "I think I was
sexually abused!" Clarissa blurted out finally.
"Do you have conscious memories of such abuse Clarissa?"
Dr. Harmon asked.
"No."
"What leads you to suspect it then?"
"Well, the fact I hate sex for one thing. And just
a feeling I have."
"Tell me about that feeling," Dr. Harmon settled
back in his chair. His face and manner displayed an open and non-judging
attitude. Clarissa felt relieved. He seemed as interested in finding out
the truth as she was. She didn´t want to believe she´d been
sexually abused, and he didn´t seem to have leaped to the conclusion
she was, despite her suspicions.
"Well," Clarissa began, "it was my grandfather,
my mother´s father. I always felt really funny around him. My mother
is the one who told me about sex, only she didn´t tell me very much.
She was too embarrassed. Then, while she was talking, I kept seeing my
grandfather, which really confused and upset me. So I couldn´t look
her in the eye, which I think embarrassed her even more. So I guess I
didn´t get a very good introduction to sex." Clarissa clasped
her hands tightly in her lap and continued. "I love my church, but
its attitude towards sex certainly isn´t helpful. Sex is the original
sin and all of that. I figured out for myself that if sex is sinful or
only to be used for procreation, then God wouldn´t have designed
us for pleasure. At least, the possibility of pleasure." Clarissa
smiled wryly, took a deep breath, and continued. "My first time was
pretty awful. It was, oh, I don´t know, furtive and clumsy and over
so quickly. I hardly felt anything beyond a short stabbing pain. After
that, I avoided the guy almost as much as he avoided me. My reputation
at school was shot, though, and I had to ignore a lot of smirks and smutty
comments." Clarissa shuddered. "It was just so icky. We moved
away not long afterwards, thank goodness. My next time was with a boyfriend.
I´d gone with him for some time and he was hassling me to start.
I didn´t want to; I was afraid after the first time."
"Was that experience better?" Dr. Harmon prompted
Clarissa after she´d remained silent for several moments.
"What? Oh, yes, well, it was better, but not great.
I really couldn´t understand why everyone made such a fuss about
sex. He seemed to enjoy it though. We went together for two years and
the sex was okay. I mean, I couldn´t really feel anything, but it
wasn´t upsetting either."
"Upsetting? You mean it didn´t hurt you?"
Dr. Harmon asked.
"I mean I didn´t really care I wasn´t
feeling much. With my husband though, it´s different. He wants me
to enjoy it. He´s always asking me what would please me more than
he´s doing. I can´t imagine what more he could do! I feel
so angry at myself that he has to work so hard. My marriage is important
to me. I just keep," Clarissa´s voice trailed off.
"You keep what, Clarissa?" Dr. Harmon prompted
again.
"I know it sounds really stupid," Clarissa
mumbled in a small voice, looking down at her hands in her lap, "but
I just keep thinking about my grandfather." She looked up at Dr. Harmon.
"Do you think he abused me sexually, Doctor? Is that why I can´t
relax enough to enjoy myself?"
"Clarissa, you are a very smart woman. You are
right, a large part of the problem is that your prior experiences with
sex have convinced you that it is not something you are going to enjoy.
So your belief - reinforced each time you don´t enjoy yourself -
is proven correct every time, because you expect it to be."
"Like the spoon bending," Clarissa observed.
"Exactly. What the mind expects tends to be realized.
And while certain kinds of tensions in specific areas of the body are
helpful to sexual pleasure, a nervous body, stressed mind, and uptight
feelings are definitely working against you. So the inability to relax
is another stumbling block."
"Can you fix that?" Clarissa asked hopefully.
"Can you teach me to relax and enjoy myself?"
Dr. Harmon smiled. "I can certainly train you in
relaxation techniques that will prove helpful if you allow yourself to
use them."
"Why wouldn´t I?" Clarissa demanded.
"If you teach me to relax, I can overcome my feelings. I´ve
been meditating and praying about this. I´m also doing affirmations
and visualizations."
"Good, that is all very helpful in creating positive
expectations and behaviors," Dr. Harmon agreed.
"Well, none of it has helped so far, but I´m
hoping hypnosis will add to their effectiveness," Clarissa responded.
"It´s certainly true most, if not all, methods
for creating positive change either involve hypnosis or are more effective
with it," Dr. Harmon agreed again. "However, in this case, Clarissa,
it is likely you will have to eliminate your negative beliefs and patterns
about sexual relations first, before you can successfully establish the
positive changes."
"Why is that?" Clarissa asked.
"Simply put, when new programming contradicts old
programming, the subconscious resists the new programming. Hypnosis can
change this unless the emotional levels of your mind have a strong attachment
to the old programming, then the subconscious will block anything - including
will power, hypnosis, or anything else - that tries to change it."
"So what can I do?" Clarissa protested. "Give
up?"
"No, far from it," Dr. Harmon reassured her.
"What will work is to convince the part of the mind that is attached
to the old programming to let go of its emotional attachment to it."
"How do we do that?" Clarissa asked. "It
sounds difficult."
"It´s sometimes complex, but not difficult.
At least, no more difficult than struggling with the things in your life
that no longer serve you. The rewards far outweigh the temporary discomfort
of giving up old habits and beliefs. Many of our clients continue to come
in to see us long after the need for therapy has ended because they enjoy
the transformations they keep creating for themselves. Pamela calls what
we do ´soul work´. It does seem to be a means of accelerating
soul growth, as well as personal satisfaction and fulfillment."
"So what I´m doing might have worked if I
didn´t have any subconscious resistance to them working, right?"
Clarissa pressed.
"Yes, if you´ve been doing them correctly,"
Dr. Harmon cautioned her. "For example, people often program the subconscious
to bring to them exactly the opposite of what they want because they fail
to realize the importance of images to the subconscious mind. For instance,
when you say or think the word ´sugar´, an image of sugar
is projected on the screen of the mind. The subconscious links this image
to stored data in its memory banks about sugar. If some of that data is
connected to desire or will then desire and will are triggered. The subconscious
acts upon images to which desire or will are attached."
"So that means," Clarissa spoke slowly and
thoughtfully, "that affirming ´no sugar´ projects an image
of sugar to the subconscious, thus triggering a desire for the sugar."
"Exactly. The data stored in the subconscious indicates
a desire and will for the sugar, not the contrary."
"But wouldn´t an image of sugar - like in
a bag, a cup, or a spoon - with a large line drawn through it work?"
Clarissa asked. "And why wouldn´t the words ´no sugar´
project such an image?"
Dr. Harmon shrugged. "Maybe it does, we don´t
really know. However, we do know when people say ´no sugar´
or draw a line through a mental image of a substance they crave, the cravings
for that substance increases, not decreases. It´s much more effective
to begin building a new data bank of the desired change and attach will
and desire to that image."
"In other words," Clarissa interjected, "if
I wanted to weigh less, which I do, I should suggest the weight I want
to weigh, not keep saying ´fat go away´ which I´ve been
saying, That just keeps bringing up the image of a fat me."
"You got it," Dr. Harmon said, nodding in agreement.
"Now close your eyes a moment and think of the words sexual intimacy."
Clarissa did so, then a moment later sighed dejectedly.
When she opened her eyes, Dr. Harmon said gently, "You just demonstrated
perfectly how the mind works. As you thought of the words, your conscious
mind projected the thought forms, or images, on the screen of the mind.
Your subconscious mind is visual, even though you are not, Clarissa, and
it responded instantly to that projected image. It linked that image to
your stored data, or beliefs, about sexual intimacy. Then, as it is the
seat of the emotions and in control of the body, it responded emotionally
and physically to those beliefs. You sighed."
"I had a feeling of hopelessness," Clarissa
added.
"Noted," Dr. Harmon responded. "Your subconscious
beliefs are that you do not enjoy sexual intimacy. Emotionally, you hold
little hope of doing so soon."
"I´m not trying to escape the subject,"
Clarissa said, neatly escaping the subject, "but how do you know I´m
not visual?"
"I watch the movement of your eyes," Dr. Harmon
told her. "Whether you are speaking or listening, they look straight
ahead or side to side. They seldom shift upwards - which would indicate
a visual person - or downwards - which would indicate a kinesthetic person.
You have to see a person speak to hear them."
"That´s true!" Clarissa exclaimed. "It
drives me crazy when my husband tries to talk to me from across the room,
or worse yet, from another room. He thinks I´m being controlling
when I ask him to look at me when he speaks to me."
"You aren´t," Dr. Harmon assured her.
"You are watching his lips mouth the words. That´s very important
for auditory people. Tell me, does your husband speak rapidly, leave sentences
unfinished, and jump quickly from idea to idea?"
"Yes, that drives me even crazier!" Clarissa
exclaimed again. "What does that mean?"
"He´s visual. Watch his eyes next time and
you´ll see what I mean. His eyes will shift upwards as he speaks.
He´s seeing pictures, so he doesn´t need all the words. Your
need to hear all of what he sees probably drives him a little crazy, too,"
Dr. Harmon said laughing. "Just understanding how the other communicates
will help your relationship a great deal."
"It will help me at work, too," Clarissa said,
fascinated. "I´m a teacher. I´m going to see to it the
auditory kids sit in the front of the class where they can see and hear
me clearly."
"Wonderful! Also suggest they read their studies
aloud when they do homework. Even recording as they read and listening
to it again helps auditory students a great deal. The kinesthetic kids
need to learn by doing. A logical sequence of steps or ideas is always
important to them and auditory people. Kinesthetic people like to be touched
and get close to people, unless there is an emotional aversion has been
created to this for some reason."
"Well, that explains another person at work. He
always stands too close to me and touches my arm alot, but he never says
or does anything suggestive. I´ve had a hard time figuring him out."
"Probably kinesthetic," Dr. Harmon agreed.
"Watch his eyes and his hands. If he glances down frequently and touches
his own body frequently, he´s kinesthetic."
"My husband uses his hands alot," Clarissa
added, "he kind of paints pictures of what he´s saying."
"Yes, visual people do that. Kinesthetic people
speak with their hands, as well, though the hands tend to stay at waist
level and below. Most people have some of all three kinds of communication,
but do tend to be predominately of one type," Dr. Harmon added. "Some
will switch, depending on whether they are listening or speaking. It´s
helpful to be aware of that, too. All relationships, personal and professional,
improve when the other person´s mode of communication is understood
and used."
"Is that why visualization is so frustrating for
me?" Clarissa asked. "I never see anything."
"That´s right, and you may not see anything
in hypnosis either, especially if frustration gets in the way. Simply
imagine - in hypnosis and with visualization, which is often used in hypnosis
- of what you would see if you could see what the words are saying. Or
just think of the words. Your subconscious will see them as they are projected
on the screen of the mind. You don´t have to worry about that. Just
be certain, when you use visualization or self-hypnosis, that you are
thinking of what you do want, as we discussed, and not what you don´t
want. That´s true of prayer, as well," Dr. Harmon added. "Pray
for what you want."
"But doesn´t God know what you mean when
you pray?" Clarissa protested.
"I don´t know what God knows, but I do know
how the mind works. When you pray, you are projecting words or thoughts
as images on the screen of your mind. Prayer brings in spiritual energy
for the use of the subconscious in manifesting the images you are projecting,
unless, of course, there is an inner block or resistance to getting it."
"So that´s why prayers aren´t always
answered," Clarissa said. "We block them ourselves."
"That´s right, prayer is not magic. It works,
or doesn´t work, according to the principles of the mind. After
all, the mind is what the Creator gave us for creating our own destinies.
We just have to learn to use the mind wisely and knowingly."
"So, to get back to imaging. What would a person
who is trying to heal their body of a disease imagine? The body fighting
off the disease?" Clarissa asked.
"That just puts the focus on the disease,"
Dr. Harmon answered. "It´s much more powerful to focus, by word,
thought, and deed, on a healthy body."
"What if a person is so sick they just can´t
imagine being well?" Clarissa asked. "Or like with me, I´ve
never been slender so I have a hard time thinking of myself as slender,
or believing in it."
"The first step in healing or change of any kind
is to acknowledge what one wants to change," agreed Dr. Harmon. "The
second step is to discover what created the condition in the first place
and what continues to contribute to its existence. Once those things have
been found, understood, and corrected, then one can begin to take the
steps that will create the transformation."
"I understand," Clarissa said, nodding. "You´re
saying the emotional causes for illness and or weight have to be addressed
first and then the changes can occur. I imagine it´s the same with
addictions and phobias and that kind of thing, isn´t it?"
"Yes," Dr. Harmon agreed, "it´s the
way the mind works. Addictive behavior can be controlled with drugs, medication,
and coping mechanisms, but to end the desire for them, the emotional factors
that created and continues to trigger them must be addressed. Fears and
phobias are emotionally driven, too. There always seems to be, in my experience,
a beginning point for these things. An experience that first created the
thoughts and beliefs to which the emotions became attached. Thought is
the creator of our reality. Physicists and metaphysicians tend to agree
on that."
"How early in life do experiences begin to affect
us, Dr. Harmon?" Clarissa asked.
"We make up our minds about an astonishing
number of important matters very early in life, Clarissa. Often without
even realizing it. Take reading minds, for instance."
"Reading minds? You mean being psychic, knowing
other people´s thoughts, that sort of thing?"
"Yes. Everyone is psychic at the subconscious levels
of mind. The subconscious mind ´reads" not only the images on
your screen of the mind, but on everyone else´s minds as well. Most
babies and very young children read minds quite readily and easily. They
are taught, however, to suppress this ability."
"Why?" Clarissa asked curiously, "and how?"
"Humans like to keep secrets. We are taught from
very young, by our families, culture, and society, that secrets are important.
It happens as easily as a child asking mommy why she´s mad at daddy,
or asking daddy why he´s feeling sad. Now, the child can see, mad
and sad thoughts in their minds, so when the response is ´I´m
not mad´ or ´I´m not sad´, the child perceives
the message is ´Stay out of my mind´. After repeated messages
of that kind, children learn reading what someone else is thinking is
not acceptable. So they learn to suppress the ability. The subconscious
mind continues to ´read´ minds, but it has been given the
instruction not to bring this information to the conscious awareness."
"But do children and babies really understand what
they are seeing?" Clarissa asked dubiously.
"I have, in forty years of clinical research and
practice, done over 50,000 regressions. Many have been to early childhood,
birth, the womb, even to conception. I didn´t believe memory could
go back so far when I first began my clinical practice. But it kept happening
spontaneously, to myself and other therapists, when we would suggest in
hypnosis that a person go to the root of a problem, or find the cause
of a symptom."
"People have memories of the womb?" Clarissa
asked incredulously.
"One client, a middle aged man," Dr. Harmon
recounted, "was speaking, in a regression, of floating in and out
of his body while in his mother´s womb. He described, in vivid detail,
a violent argument his parents were having. He even described the dress
his mother was wearing - a brightly colored dress with large stripes.
Afterwards, he expressed his doubts about the regression, feeling he ´must
have made it up.´
"The next week he returned and reported that he´d
called his mother and asked her about the argument. Shocked, his mother
replied, ´But you couldn´t know about that! Your father and
I never spoke of that matter again.´ When he described her dress,
there had been a long pause. Shakily, she´d told him, ´I threw
away that dress away as soon as you were born. I looked like an elephant
in a circus tent in that dress. I even tore up the one picture of me in
it when I threw it out. How could you know these things?´
"Another client, a woman," he continued, "spoke
in regression of her sadness as her twin left her, just before birth.
She asked her mother about this and was told, ´How did you find
out? You had a twin that was still born. Your father was so heartbroken.
It was the son he´d always wanted. We agreed never to speak of him,
not even to each other. I know I never told you about him.´
"There are hundreds of regressions like these in
my client files and the client files of my colleagues. I stopped doubting
long ago."
"But how can a person have a memory of conception?"
Clarissa protested. "The brain isn´t even formed yet."
"The mind works through the brain, Clarissa, but
is independent of the brain. The mind exists with the spirit before conception
of its body. After the spirit enters the body, it must wait for the brain
to catch up to its mind."
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