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Treasure Chest contains more information created
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read in the book. Find out how to correct your allergies in people
and pets. Learn more about hypnosis, past lives and much more. |
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The only way, really, was to keep them from multiplying.
I already knew I could communicate with animals mentally. By using my
mind and thinking what I wanted them to do, I could usually get them to
do it. So, in my mind, I "told" the females to stop going into
heat. It seemed to me there was a change - shorter, less frequent heats,
and smaller litters, but they still over-multiplied. However, I was convinced
I was communicating better and better with their minds. Such was the beginning
of my lifelong interest in the mind and the powers of the mind.
The second major influence on my life´s work
was my sexual development. My first sexual experience was when I was four
years old. I was in my bedroom playing with my toys when an eight year
old relative came into the room and began playing a different sort of
game with me. One that led to mutual masturbation and oral copulation.
I was intrigued by our play and participated willingly. What we were doing
felt good. Then he fiercely warned me NOT TO TELL! I wasn´t sure
what I wasn´t supposed to tell or why and I was at an age when secrets
were very difficult to keep. I began to feel very burdened by the need
for secrecy and wanted to stop.
He would not let me stop, and that confused, scared, and
upset me. Now everything felt bad ~ my tummy hurt, my genitals were sore,
and my head was aching. I wanted to cry. He began to moan, then he ejaculated.
I was terrified. I thought I´d hurt him terribly. Laughing at me,
he said he had "done it right", but I hadn´t. He continued
to tease me, and I began to worry there was something wrong with me. I
didn´t know who to ask though, because I couldn´t "tell".
When he left, I was feeling a lot of heavy feelings for a little boy.
Now, it is not unusual, abnormal, or wrong for children
to experiment with each other physically. Sexuality is meant to be a process
that unfolds gradually and naturally within ones peer group at a pace
and level that is comfortable and unforced. It is when one is manipulated,
seduced, betrayed, or forced into any activity for which one is not prepared
- whether emotionally, mentally, or physically - that it becomes abusive.
My next sexual encounter was when I was six. A playmate,
an eight year old girl, pulled me aside, whispering she knew a "good
game". The game was vaginal penetration and was of only mild interest
to me. There were a lot more fun and interesting things to do and after
our brief "play" we ran off to do them. Unlike the experience
when I was four, I carry no negative thoughts or feelings from that experience.
I hadn´t been forced into it. I was able to stop when I wanted.
And while I knew it was a "secret" I shouldn´t tell any
adults, there wasn´t much I did by age six that I would tell an
adult anyway, so I wasn´t burdened with guilt or shame. It had been
just another silly and naughty thing we kids would do behind the adults´
backs.
When I was eight and a half years old, I was manipulated
into sexual activity by an army Master Sergeant living on the Army Air
Corp Post near us. I liked being on the Air Corp Post. I also liked the
gifts and privileges I was given by the Sergeant and didn´t mind
too much the favors I had to do in return. Those favors were sexual. He
often had me watch while he masturbated himself and sometimes he would
masturbate me manually or orally, though he was a very gentle man and
made a game of it. I´d been taught to respect adults and the Master
Sergeant told me what we were doing wasn´t bad. Still, I felt inwardly
that something was not right. Perhaps because we always hid in the mesquite
bushes and he was always very nervous upon our return to his offices.
This arrangement continued until an Army Provost Marshal,
who knew of the man´s reputation, began to notice our friendship.
The Provost Marshall was a friend of my family and, after restricting
me from visiting the base, he told my parents of the Sergeant´s
reputation and his suspicions of what might have been happening to me.
My parents only comment to me after hearing this was, "The Sergeant
doesn´t sound like a very nice man, perhaps you´d best not
see him again."
When I was eleven, I met another man who, like the
Sergeant, began to shower me with attention. He was quite a famous actor,
with a large, lavish ranch, and he flew his own airplane. I loved it at
his ranch. Things were always happening there to excite an 11 year old
boy, including lots of parties with famous, and infamous, Hollywood actors
and actresses. Best of all, he started taking me up in his PT 19 Army
Trainer and teaching me to fly. Unfortunately he, too, began to require
sexual favors. I disliked this activity, but I was reluctant to give up
the flying lessons and the fun I had at the ranch. As the favors began
to escalate, however, I decided the fun and the flying weren´t worth
it. I just wanted to end the association.
My mother, however, made that almost impossible to
do. She was thrilled such a famous person was taking an interest in me
and she was hopeful he would make me famous. I could already sing and
dance and I could mimic anyone or anything. One of my early childhood
playmates had been Shirley Temple and my mother had dreams of my becoming
a star like her. I felt quite betrayed by mother. She must have known
the man she was pushing me towards was a homosexual. He lived openly with
a well-known author and playwright, a man whom everyone knew to be homosexual.
I did try to tell her about the things he was making me do, but she would
refuse to discuss my relationship with him beyond insisting I promote
it as much as possible. She must have known what was going on, especially
considering my previous experiences with the Master Sergeant. My sense
of betrayal by my mother would continue to haunt me for many years.
When my mother would not listen or help, I turned to
another woman. She was a sophisticated woman, a friend of my family and
a friend of the actor in question. Though well aware of his sexual orientation,
she refused my request for help. Laughing, she told me to "act like
a big boy" and handle it myself. Her ridicule shamed me and her refusal
to help hurt me. With no one else to turn to, I did "act like a big
boy". I told the actor that while I liked him and enjoyed our adventures
together - and while I DEARLY loved learning to fly - I wanted to end
the sexual stuff. That ended that. I lost my beloved lessons in flying,
as well as a great deal of trust in the adults around me.
Years later I would interview a police detective assigned
to cover "chicken hawks", the name given to those adult males
who sexually prey on young boys. He said he´d spent his life trying
to educate parents to the astounding number of "chicken hawks"
in their children´s lives. "Camp counselors, YMCA instructors,
boy scout and cub scout leaders, sports coaches, teachers, priests, even
policemen - no field is free of them. Naturally, the hawks will go where
the chickens are," he said.
Parents - and other trusted family members ~ must establish
and encourage, from a very early age, open communication with their children.
It is SO VERY easy to manipulate and coerce children, as most children
have been taught to respect and obey adults, no matter what. It is very
easy to convince a child that what is happening (especially if it feels
good at some level) is the child´s "fault" or that the child
"asked for it" or that the child will "get in trouble"
if the child "tells". It is important to teach children to respect
adults, but to know that NO adult has the right to do anything that the
child must "keep secret". It is my strong belief, and the belief
of many in my field of work, that the "secrets" people keep -
from themselves and others - brings illness, disease, addictions, and
destructive behaviors.
Sexual abuse and molest are powerful secrets
that people often feel must be kept. That idea is slowly dying. Sexual
abuse and molest are not more frequent today. People today are more willing
to talk about it. Being more willing to talk about it encourages more
and more of us who have suffered from it to tell our secrets.
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