Foundation for Research and Exploration of Mind Motivation

Hugh Harmon, Ph.D. Founder      Pamela Chilton, C.Ht. Director

The Treasure Chest

MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS

2004 copyright, Pamela Chilton, Director. F.R.E.O.M.M.

Foundation For Research & Exploration of Mind Motivation 760-772-6628

www.odysseyofthesoul.org

ONE SUMMER our home was broken into and valuables stolen. Several people commented on how calmly I was handling this. I, too, was pleased by my spiritual serenity, until I realized I was going to bed at 7 without my dinner. Obviously, I was feeling upset. Clearly, I was not paying attention to this feeling. This reminded me of when my mother died. I handled that very well too. However, my stomach was upset for weeks. Not paying attentions to my emotions has been a long time "failing" of mine.

Emotions "talk" through the body. Small children are very good at noticing their "body talk": My stomach aches", "My head hurts", "I don’t feel good". Even when the cause of body distress is germs, bacteria or a virus one must question what lowered the immune system’s ability to safeguard the body. Stressful emotions tax the immune system and create imbalances in the mind/brain/body system that are a leading cause of disease, illness, headaches, aches, pain, aging and even injuries (slower reflexes, less than perfect eye sight and hearing, lack of coordination, rigidity of bones and joints, weak muscles, dizziness). Imbalance of the mind/brain/body due to stressful emotions is a leading cause addictive and compulsive urges, anxieties, phobias, poor concentration, poor memory, restlessness, irritability, bi-polar disorders, depression, and more.

Dr. Hugh Harmon presents the "Scale of Emotions" in this way: If the farthest most end of the positive spectrum of emotions is JOY the polar opposite at the negative end of the spectrum would be FEAR, the root of all destructive emotions.

• Fear not dealt with (ignored, denied, suppressed, repressed) becomes Anger.
• Anger not dealt with becomes inner rage (In rage = Enraged.)
• Inner Rage not dealt with becomes Resentment.
• Resentment not dealt with becomes Depression.
• Depression not dealt with becomes physical dysfunction.

FEAR > ANGER > INNER RAGE > RESENTMENT > DEPRESSION > PHYSICAL DYSFUNCTION

From these emotions stem hurt, frustration, aggravation, annoyance, irritation, hate, disgust, guilt, self-righteousness, anxiety, worry, terror, panic, nervousness, insecurity, grief, sadness, loneliness, shame, hopelessness, bitterness, despair, pity, self-pity, and apathy.

Clearly, learning to Master The Emotions is of vital importance and just as clearly denying, ignoring and suppressing emotions is not mastering them. Some ask why it is necessary to know what one is feeling - especially when the distressing emotion is connected with past events that have been successfully "buried" in the "I don’t remember" or "I don’t feel anything" or "I don’t care" areas of the psyche.

Dr. Harmon demonstrates "why" by placing a pen, for example, within reach of a person and saying: "Let go of that pent". As the person reaches out to pick up the pen he says, "You see. To let go of the pen you must possess it first. If you do not know what you are feeling or you are not feeling anything, what do you have to let go of? You must know what you are feeling in order to let go of it."

THERAPISTS such as Dr. Harmon and myself can help you know what you are feeling and help you to resolve those feelings. Therapists have the tools to help you discover "hidden" and "buried" emotions that are creating distress and imbalance in your mind/brain/body systems.

To help yourself and perhaps eliminate the need for therapy now or later, the following process can prove very helpful. Use it as a guideline for yourself or to help children in your care help themselves.

When something or someone upsets you, keep calm by breathing slowly and counting your breaths. Count four beats in and four beats out. Think of this as the 4 X 4 you are using to gain control. Even if you are expected to communicate, you can do this 4 X 4 breathing until you feel calm enough to speak. Look thoughtful as you breath slowly. Thoughtful silence impresses people and strengthens you.

No matter what the situation is, if after a moment of deep breathing you cannot respond calmly and thoughtfully say, "This requires some thought. I’ll get back to you." Or ‘You’ve made a good point. Let me think about that." Or "This is not the time to discuss this matter. I’ll get back to you." Or "I need some time to gather my thoughts." Or "I’m not ready to talk about this yet. I’ll let you know when I’m ready."

As soon as you can find a private place where you will not be disturbed, close your eyes. Breath deeply and slowly. Tell yourself (and mean it): "My body remains right here until I know what’s bothering me and I have done something about it." Think about what was happening when you felt distressed (angry, uptight, upset, irritated, frustrated, sad). If there is a thought that goes with this, think the thought. Example: "I can’t do anything right." "No-one listens to me." "He/she/it is so stupid." "I’m not a child." "He/she is such a baby." "I hate him/her/it." I’m an idiot." "______ is an idiot." "That wasn’t fair." "That was mean."

PAY ATTENTION to uncomfortable or upsetting body sensations as you think about the distress thought or situation. Such as: Heaviness in the chest or stomach. Upset stomach. Tightness in the throat, the chest, the stomach. Headache. Pressure in the throat or behind the eyes. Lump in the throat. Shaky feeling. Dizziness. Flushed feeling. Clenched jaws or fists. Biting the lip. Grinding the teeth. Holding back tears or tearing. Stifled desire to scream, shout, slam or break someone or something.

IMAGINE you are in a Safe Place in your mind, where no one can hurt you or judge you (not even you). Imagine you become very strong and powerful in your Safe Place as you let your body do and say whatever it wants to do to the part of the person or the situation that upset it. Example: The "stupid part" or the "mean part" or the "scary part" of the person you are upset at is a punching bag and you "let" your body attack it: Fists and arms can punch. Legs and feet can kick. Teeth can bite. Tongue can stick out. Stomach can throw up over it. Mouth and throat can yell and tell it what you think of it. You are not hurting or harming the whole, true person; your emotional parts are expressing themselves at the part of the person that upset them.

Do this until you feel your body relax. Then ask your body if it needs to say or do anything else to feel better. Pay attention to what you think, see or imagine next and let it happen in your mind. Finish this process by imaging you are taking your body to a Healing Place. Imagine your spirit’s light (or God’s Light or whatever light is meaningful to you) shinning down into your body, healing every part of it..

Now that your body and mind are calm, think about the situation again. Ask yourself, "What could the enlightened me have done?" Or: "What can the enlightened me do about this now." Imagine the enlightened you suggesting to or showing you powerful, positive ways in dealing with the situation or person(s) Choose what feels most right for you and mentally rehearse this scenario or response until you believe you could or can do it easily, automatically, when the need arises.

Open your eyes. Your body should feel normal, although it may also feel tired from the emotional release, which can be both draining and exhilarating. If you need to address the situation with physical action, you are now prepared to do so calmly, which gives you clarity and power.

If after doing this process you feel more upset or distressed, you will need

the help of a therapist to help you find the unconscious emotions "triggering" you.

NOTE: The person(s) who hurt or harmed you in childhood are no longer who they were then, nor are you who you were then. Imagine them in this process as they were then and you as who you were then. If this does not resolve the distress or discomfort, you will need regression therapy where you mentally return to the past to allow your subconscious self to feel the emotions of that experience so it can react to and release all of the destructive emotions and beliefs attached to it.